Are all men pigs?

Apparently all women problems have men in them. Talk about menstruation, dysmenorrhea or menopause. And we often hear phrases like ‘men are dogs’ and ‘men are pigs’. But are they? Well, I guess if you have been with a man who doesn’t know that any business you do in the bathroom has to be inside the toilet bowl without leaving any traces on or around the seat, assuming he even remembers to put it back after lifting it, you may be tempted to agree with those statements.

Some years back when I used to have a column in a government newspaper, I was often labelled as a man hater since I tended to question a number of so-called male privileges. And even when I said I had nothing against men since I had three in my life, I was still faulted. Anyway, this is not about my perceived hatred for men. In fact my writing today is about the admiration I have for men – some of them anyway.

I recently spent a night with a friend that I have not been with in a long time. She actually reminded me that the last time we spent so much time together (and I’m talking half a day here) was when we were on holiday sometime in 2007. My friend is a mother of two little boys aged three years and six months. But we spent a night together, only the two of us. She had left her toddler and baby with her husband. Her husband, who is a man, was home with a three year old and a six month old baby. I have to emphasize this. As you can imagine, it meant he had to play with these kids, feed them, bathe them, clothe them, and change nappies. Kudos bro! Wouldn’t you want to hook up with one of his type? Do they even still make them?

I know there are men who probably do not know that a kettle has a switch which you press to boil water. Men who probably think a microwave oven is an invention made only for women. Men who do not imagine laundry and men in one sentence. Yet here is a man who is equipped and able to take care of his off springs because he had been part of their lives even before they were born, attending antenatal classes. I could go on about what else he does but I will spare you. I know most girls are turning green with envy here.  

Yesterday morning as I was driving, I saw this young man who could be in his twenties carrying a little girl of about two or three. He was carrying a backpack which indicated that he was probably going to work, carrying the girl’s bag and holding her protectively on his chest. I admired the love displayed by this young man. He did not have his own transport but knew that he had to carry out the responsibility of making sure that his little girl got to crèche safely.

I know that soon we will be talking 16 days of activism against gender-based violence. All of a sudden all men would be painted as these horrible abusers who do nothing to protect their women and children. I am saying let’s give credit where it’s due. I know that at least, there is one young man out there who loves and protects his daughter. I know that at least there is one young man out there who maintains his little girl. And I hope that much the same as I was touched by this act of love, someone, maybe another young man or even older man, saw that and learnt something.

I have seen men, young and old, walking with their kids and wives or girlfriends at malls. I have seen men shopping with their kids. I have seen men hiking with their sons and/or daughters. They can’t be pigs or dogs hey.

While there are men who have no idea how and where their kids were born, there’s a man somewhere out there who still remembers the sneeze of his baby boy, minutes after his birth. He remembers because he was there when the boy was born. He is still there to guide the boy through his tempestuous teens. He is one of the men we should celebrate as we continue to wage war against those men who abuse women and children. 

While there are men who expect their spouses to warm food for them regardless of what time they arrive home, there are men who cook for their families. There are men who share household chores not because they were given ‘korobela’, but because they love their partners and understand that they too enjoy being served. While there are men who may feel emasculated by the success of their women, there are men out there who support their partners in their quest for success. Let us not forget. Let us avoid painting all of them with the same brush. There may be few who remember that first sneeze, few who know how to change a nappy, and few who know that bras come in different cup sizes, but they are there nonetheless, and they are not pigs.